


metanoia

by lovelacegsl



Category: Little Women (2019), Little Women Series - Louisa May Alcott
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Miscarriage, Slice of Life, Tantric Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelacegsl/pseuds/lovelacegsl
Summary: 𝘔𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘢 (𝘯): 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦’𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.
Relationships: Theodore Laurence/Amy March
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	metanoia

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Glory in the Flower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134084) by [frankie_bell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankie_bell/pseuds/frankie_bell). 



Amy March at the mere age of thirteen could only be described as a girl with a ruthless heart, or so Jo said, a girl that showed time and time again that she was very capable of hurting someone without violence or aggression, but rather with surgical precision and words, showing that she could (and would, if pushed) hurt someone in worse ways than physical pain, in ways that left you unsettled and in ways people didn't even begin to fathom. 

Luckily Laurie was never in the receiving ends of her tantrums of rage which Jo described as a small pitbull with braids and bangs, sometimes she was a petty little thing, dainty but able to put up a fight if needed. She was petty, but she was also very creative, carrying herself with her sunny smile and pretty wavy blonde hair, she was about the prettiest child Laurie had laid eyes on, very cute that promised to bloom beautifully. She had a penchant for big and meaningful words and colorful clothes and braids that everytime he visited the March household he returned with braids in his hair done by Amy's fingers. 

She, much like her sisters, fell rapidly into the role of a younger sister to him, someone he could tease and dote on, always siding up with him to make fun of Jo or whining about her nose and lips. Most times, much to Jo's chagrin, he ended up petting Amy instead of berating her, because how could he not? Wasn't that what an older brother was supposed to do? And not to mention the things he'd do if someone dared to lay a finger on her, or any March for that matter. 

A girl who had dreams bigger than herself, the girl who wanted to be famous and have a rich husband so she could focus in her art. She'd slip funny little sketches in his hands. That's why it wasn't a surprise he'd find little sketches for him in the mailbox between their houses, they never failed to make him laugh. 

So it wasn't a surprise that she would slip a sketch of him in his pocket as he lay in the hammock behind the March household with Jo sitting beside him, he examinated the little sketch as Amy walked back into the house with Beth, determined to give her something back for her sketches. 

He spent the whole day thinking of something Amy would like, candies, she liked candies, but she also liked art, he debated into buying her candies or a packet of clay, as he heard her mention to Meg. 

He settled for the both of them, leaving them in the mailbox with her name on top of those things, the next week Amy had showed him something she had done with the clay. He laughed and she shot him a murderous stare.

“Is this a horse?” He asked and she nodded “It has no neck, Amy,” Laurie said examinating the piece of hard clay in his hands, turning it to see it from all sides. 

“It does, look, there it is,” Amy murmured pointing where the neck was supposed to be, he laughed some more. The music Beth was playing could be faintly heard in the library. 

“It doesn't,” He said finally and she snatched the horse from his hands “Hey, hey don't get angry with me Amy!” Laurie exclaimed and got up from his seat on his couch as well. 

“I will never show you my work again Theodore Laurence,” Amy said tossing the horse in the small backpack she carried everywhere. His hand wrapped around her wrist and took the backpack. 

“No, no, I'm keeping it,” Laurie said opening the backpack and looking through her stuff until he finally found the hard clay, he smiled at her “It's really good for your first one,” He gave her that, at least, she smiled a little and took her backpack from his hands again. 

If there was a malformed horse in his headboard nobody dared to ask questions.

* * *

The girl that had introduced herself when she was 12, wearing an oversized threadbare MADE IN BROOKLYN t-shirt with disarrayed hair seemed long gone as Laurie visited Amy every day as she stayed with her aunt. 

They had spend most of his visit cooped up inside since it was raining, most times they would go to the backyard while Amy sketched whatever he described. But for now her hair was falling down her shoulders as her hands pressed in her cheeks and stared at the chess between them. 

“You think Beth is going to be okay?” Amy asked looking down at the pieces at her feet, Beth's health was frail and it was something he very much wouldn't like to discuss. 

“I don't know,” Laurie answered truthfully, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes and fear he hadn't seen before. 

“Have you ever thought about what would happen if Beth does die?” His heart lurched painfully, but nodded nevertheless “I think there would be a sad but beautiful service, you know, everyone loves Beth,” Amy mused out loud, their game already forgotten. 

“I know,” Was the only thing Laurie could say, her lower lip trembled a little, her gaze slipped to the bowl of strawberries beside them. 

“There's something about her that make people treat her differently, don't you think? Not like Meg, Meg's a very different way,” Amy wondered aloud and he lifted his eyebrows, not following her entirely. 

“What's Meg's way?”

“You know, she's pretty, everyone likes her because, I don't know, she changes to be with certain people,” Amy explained as if he was dumb “But Beth is different,” She continued looking down at her hands with a sort of absent look in her face. 

“I really never noticed it before.” 

“Of course you wouldn't,” A shadow of something crossed Amy's face but it left as soon as it came, he frowned. 

“People treat you differently, too,” Laurie said as he grabbed a freshly washed strawberry from the bowl and bit into it. 

“I know, people think I'm too dumb because I'm pretty,” Her cheeks reddened “Or that's what they say,” She murmured looking down at her own hands which were folded resolutely in her lap. 

“That's not true.” Laurie said mildly offended Amy would think such thing of herself, she smiled a little sadly. 

“Don't try to lie to me, Laurie, I know I'm just something for you to laugh at with Jo,” Amy said passing a hand past the carpet, her gaze lost somewhere in the floor, his heart lurched painfully, he searched for her gaze but she didn't allowed him to. 

“Amy,” He said placing his hand gently under her chin making her look up “You know, I would never,” Laurie lied and he knew she knew. 

“Do you truly think I'm dumb?” She asked instead, he sighed. 

“No, I don't think you're dumb.”

“But you do think I am a bad person,” Amy stated though it sounded more of a question. 

“Have you seen this town? Your family is the least bad people from here and that includes you, who got you those ideas in your head?” 

“Because I know I am, known it for a while,” Amy murmured and looked down once again as if ashamed of herself. 

“I've known that for a while, too,” Her eyes widened. 

“Of me?”

“Of me,” Laurie said trying appease her concerns but also freeing himself from the weight he had been carrying. 

“Oh, but why?” She asked, she seemed genuinely confused so he gave her that. He really didn't wanted to talk about it with a child but already slipped it, and the fact that Amy felt the same about herself made it all the easier. 

“I'm arrogant and selfish, I can get too angry sometimes and it scares me,” Laurie admitted and her delicate hand grasped his innocently, he squeezed hers in return. 

“I've thought that about myself for a while, too,” Amy murmured, her gaze steady in his own, he watched as she worried her own lower lips “I'm selfish and I know I don't deserve my family's love,” Her hand tightened in his, he forced his gaze not to show the sadness he was feeling, his throat closing up at the girl in front of him who shared more with him that he had ever known. 

“I think this is the first time we've had like, an actual conversation,” Laurie mused and she smiled, a bit sadly. 

“Well this is the first time you seeked the opportunity,” He laughed and booped her nose with his forefinger and then smoothed the wrinkles there. 

“Promise, you'll allow me to have more conversations with you,” Laurie asked of her and she smiled, more genuine. 

“Promise,” Amy promised, both unaware of the many conversations prepared for their future.

* * *

Amy Curtis March naturally did things with a bang. 

She was never one for the meek, the timid, the mild. She may seem that way in the presence of certain people, but that was only a mask, marring her true feelings. When she wanted something, she went for it. Head first, and damn the consequences. Laurie sometimes envied that about her. 

By the age of 17 Amy had already started flirting with both girls and boys, dating tall, intimidating girls with pixie haircuts and septum piercings with chipped nail polish, dating tall athlete boys with dark skin with plump lips, giant hands and curly hair. And when her family called her out on it she answered with her dignified singular manner ‘𝘛𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘶𝘵.’ 

She was very good at flirting and somehow, he found himself playing that unspoken game with her, acting as if she was the only girl he'd see in a room if she was there and she responded in kind, unlike Jo. Amy batted her eyelashes at him and touched his arm while he kept intent eye contact with her, it was a fun game that no one, at least in their families, took it in the slightest seriously. 

Her easygoing personality had pierced through to his college friends, he had seen a lot of guys develop very obvious crushes on Amy because she was beautiful, smart, kind, always knew the exact thing to say and looked up at people with big, adoring, blue eyes and laughed at their bad jokes. The worst of them all, even though all of them seemed to be taken with her, was Parker, Laurie'd seen many times how his green eyes trailed after Amy's every move with a glint of hope, just like Laurie knew his did with Jo. 

And even though he was taken with Jo he still had two good eyes that forced him to acknowledge Amy's beauty, everyone loved her long legs and lips and long eyelashes, her wavy blonde hair that almost reached her narrow waist, she was very enchanting to everyone around her. She knew what kind of effect a pretty girl like her could have on people, and used it to her advantage, subtle touches on hands or arms were always used against his boys, as she had gotten to call his friends. She kept Laurie's boys like she kept all her toys, playing with them until she got bored, tossing them aside until she conceived a plan to make them new again. It, mostly, amused him, it suited and bothered Laurie, it took the attention away from Jo, but it interfered with his need to protect Amy. 

And when his green eyed monster appeared against his friends when they spoke a little 𝘵𝘰𝘰 much about Amy, he was even accused of saving her for him, accused of wanting to take her to bed himself, he only scoffed and rolled his eyes before commanding them to shut up. Which was ridiculous, his mind was more preoccupied with Jo more than ever, Laurie knew it was up there, right at the moment when puberty made innocent pre-teen devotion into something else. 

Jo, who was in New York for college, Jo who only talked about her Mr. Bhaer who was her philosophy professor, his stomach churned at the thought. A much older man was winning at a game he didn't even knew he was playing at? What kind of joke was that! 

It was quite an understatement that Jo didn't traveled all the way from New York back to Concord for the annual valentines dance for elders that Marmee 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 organized in a high school's gym, he'd always loved those dances. Had even helped organize it sometimes, even, most of the times Amy threw a ball at him to make him stop annoying her and letting her do the work with Marmee. 

His friends had also tagged along, much to his chagrin and much to Amy's delight even though she was dating a jock from her class that made his blood boil, not necessarily because he was dating Amy but because he was an asshole, to put it simply. He was far too less for the girl that declared that she was tired of the town and that she couldn't wait ‘to be buying berets and not beanies’ 

The place had been decorated with red hearts and white glasses with ice cream for the elders, every kind of sweet was placed in the refreshment table and the music was slow for the old couples there to dance to. Amy was looking at the couples dancing with the jock at her side and his friends at the other, he sighed looking at them over his John's shoulders. John eventually looked behind him to see what Laurie was seeing, he raised a doubtful eyebrow. 

“What?” Laurie asked defensively and frowned when Amy laughed at something Tudor said with Parker by his side with his face red as a tomato. 

“That's none of your business, know that right?” John asked and he looked back at his old tutor. 

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is, your vein is about to pop off your forehead,” Laurie unconsciously brought his hand up to his forehead, it wasn't his fault it was in his nature his need to protect the girls that gave him a home when he was at his lowest, also he had promised Jo to look after her baby sister. 

“Be right back,” He said instead and walked past John ignoring his protests of warning, just exactly when a new song had started after the band had taken a break. 

“Mind if I steal her for a dance?” Laurie said grasping Amy's wrist asking her boyfriend who only looked confused and was about to say no when Laurie interrupted “Great! Thank you!” He pulled Amy behind him, practically dragging her behind him, her white dress with tasteful black trim twirled around her when he placed his hand in her waist and brought her in closer. 

“Is this because Jo's not here?” Amy asked taking his hand and looking back at the group she left behind, he shook his head. 

“What are you doing Amy?” He asked instead, ignoring her mention of Jo, her hand found its place in his shoulder and squeezed playfully but he didn't felt like playing, he felt like he was drowning, like everything was happening all at once. 

“Dancing with you? Who strong-armed me into dancing? What was that, by the way?” Amy asked as they swayed with the music, her face was red and she seemed like she didn't wanted to be there, in his arms, didn't wanted to be there at all. 

“I don't know, I felt like I needed to save you, who's the next one you're taking?” He asked, trying to go for light, instead his voice sounding bitter, his mind flitting to Jo for a moment. 

“What exactly are you trying to say?” Amy asked, her eyes traveling from his eyes to his chin to his cheeks. 

“Well, they come and go don't they? How long is this one going to last?” 

“I don't know, I mean, he's dumb but he's fun,” Amy said raising her voice above the music, her hand tightening in his shoulder, he'd done it, he knew yet he couldn't seem to stop. 

“Yeah I think this one is a bit too much,” Laurie bit out and she frowned “Maybe you should take things slow, I don't know Amy-” 

“Maybe you're mad I go too fast because you're going too slow!” Her jaw tightened and her hands dropped to her side at the same time his heart dropped to his knees, never before he had wanted to strangle Amy, or anyone for that matter. 

“I was just trying to do you a favor!”

“I don't want your favors, enough with your favors Laurie,” Amy said harshly, closed her eyes and stepped back from him, he was stunned, that was the first fight they ever had and he didn't knew what to do. She walked back to the group and left him standing in the middle of the dance floor, he felt bereft, for some reason. 

He found her again once everyone was gone and Meg, Marmee and John were cleaning up, Amy was sitting in a table that hadn't been lifted yet, he offered her a cup with vainilla ice cream, she looked up at him, opened her mouth, closed it again and accepted the cup. He sat down next to her, he sighed trying to find his words, he unbottoned his blazer and leaned his forearms in his knees. 

“I'm sorry, I never meant to say that dating around-” 

“You do it too. If I do it too does that make me, what? A whore?” Amy asked a bit hostile this time, her mouth full of ice cream. 

“No! No, I never said that,” Laurie defended himself and sighed, her hand left the spoon aside “I guess what I was trying to say, when we were dancing is, he's selfish, and you're not, that's why I don't like him,” Laurie explained and she slowly looked at him beside her. 

“It's fine if you don't like him, but I do,” She murmured biting her lower lip “You have no room to say who I get or I don't get to date,” Amy said firmly, her voice never faltering, her gaze never slipping from his, he nodded, a bit sheepishly “You're so overprotective sometimes Laurie, it's fine but I can take care of myself,” Amy finally said. 

“Right, of course,” Laurie's gaze slipped down to the skirt of her dress. 

“I'm sorry I said that, I have no right to-”

“Let's move past that, yes?” He swiftly interrupted, if she understood she ignored it for his sake, she nodded and gave his hand a small squeeze “Now, want to go to a party to Parker's house? With me?” Laurie asked, how many times Amy had accompanied him to party when Jo refused to, it was countless of times, her hand left his but she nodded. 

“Yes, let me just finish my ice cream of peace, I guess,” Amy murmured picking up the spoon again, he laughed and rubbed her uncovered back, if she leaned into his touch he ignored it.

* * *

‘𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘑𝘰, 𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦,’ His voice had dripped desperation as he had tried to convince her to give him a chance, to prove to her that he wanted her, to travel the world together as a couple, she didn't wanted it. Most importantly she didn't wanted him. 

Jo, always a sturdy little battering ram fighting with him and slapping his hands and head, he'd known it, had always known it in the ways Jo shown it yet he needed to hear the words, some dormant part of him had been ready for the blow, he'd often think. 

‘𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦.’

‘𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶!’

He would describe his heartache like the music of a great orchestra. At times it was quiet and allowed him to function, at other times the violins would play and he would be sad, then at other times it would rise to a crescendo and the anger would burst from his chest in a vicious shout of anguish. 

That anger took root in him, not only because he loved Jo but because after he'd done he wouldn't be welcome in the March family anymore, everyone had expected them to get together and without that, what role did he had in the March family? No more boisterous laughter, no more christmas with them, no more late nights with Jo, Meg, Amy and Beth. 

That same anger took him and moved him towards his 𝘰𝘸𝘯 hometown, a place that belonged to him and only him, a place that wasn't contaminated with the Marches and if something so deafeningly reminded him of them(art galleries that Amy would love, music Beth would enjoy playing, plays Meg would love to see, books Jo would love to read) he tapped it close. His grandfather had insisted that what Laurie had needed was a change of air, Laurie wasn't so sure of it. He traveled, a lot, Switzerland, Germany, Vienna, Amsterdam, Vienna, Greece, at first he tried to lose himself to the art and beauty surrounding him, he made friends here and there, nothing that stuck for too long like the Marches, didn't gave him the same warmth. 

And when it got too much, when he saw in social media all of his friends moving on with their lives while he was stuck and standing still, he muffled his screams with a pillow. 

Making girls with tobacco-tasting mouth moan and writhe seemed to be the only thing he knew how to do, as of late. There was something sad about that, but he didn't wanted to think about it, so he ignored it in favor of drowning himself in pubs and bars. Sneaking his hands inside girl's trousers that acted like they didn't had a boyfriend until they were there beside him, ready to stir a fight. 

He felt numb and angry and sad all at once, he just wanted to go back home and wanted everything to go back to how things were, but nothing about that was possible, he knew. That was until Amy March came into the picture, again. She reached out to him, inviting him to spend the holidays with her and her friends in Paris and while he still followed her instagram where she had been constantly posting about endless parties she went to where she drank flaming tequila shots and cute little selfies with her new friends and with cute long nosed boys kissing her cheeks, he was wholly unprepared to see her again. 

He hadn't seen Amy for almost two years, what with her spending her vacations and the holidays traveling to Spain, Italy and Provence. She even left him dumbfounded for a minute with her newfound beauty. She'd always been beautiful, true, but this Amy was so familiar and yet so different to whom he'd last seen. She was so tall now, but still a head shorter than him, long legs with the same pale skin and blue eyes, she smelled like flowers when she fiercely embraced him. Long arms wind around his shoulders at the train station leaving him to wrap his own around her narrow waist. 

She was so excited to see him that it warmed his heart, her hands grasped his face looking up for differences, he was hoping her good mood would have some influence on him, that wasn't the case at all. He'd been excited to see her and even entertained her for a couple of minutes before he returned to his sour mood. 

“What have you been up to? Your grandfather passed by here the other day,” Amy said as they walked over to his hotel to leave his things. 

“Has he now? Bet he just said bad things about me,” Laurie said as he thought about what next would do they do, if she would just leave and wait for him in the party of the night. 

“He wasn't very happy,” Amy accused and he rolled his eyes. 

“I've been composing some songs,” Laurie said as some sort of form of defending himself, she lifted her eyebrows in his direction. 

“Really? Can I listen to them?” 

“Haven't recorded them,” Laurie said shortly and her face fell for a second before she started to talk about where they could go and about her favorite pastry shop close to her art school. 

They spent the whole day together, walking here and there with Amy talking the whole time, showing that she was still the girl he had left behind in Concord, hidden behind her new curves and soft skin and attractive face. He left her at the place she shared with some other Parisian girl with kisses on both cheeks and promising to get her that night to go to the party she had mentioned. 

And again Amy left him dumbfounded once again with her blue dress that accentuated her curves under her coat, he offered his compliments but she rejected them, rejecting his playful advances unlike when she was a teen and would flirt back, she led him to a big house, that she said was her classmate's parents, those classmates that felt entitled to everything because their parents were rich. If it was directed to him, he ignored it. 

She was now very 𝘍𝘦𝘮𝘮𝘦 𝘍𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘦, long legs and piercing blue eyes, her long blonde hair was in curls and cascading down her back, very noticeable narrow waist and full hips, every eyes turned around to see her when they walked in the party with her at his arm, he felt some sort of pridefulness. 

“Do you want to dance?” Amy asked him over the music, he looked at her for a moment and shook his head, she looked disappointed for a minute before she masked it behind a shrug of her shoulders, leaving him behind in order to blend herself with the multitude of sweaty bodies. 

He watched how she danced with her friends, never once looking back at him, punishing him with the same indifference, he knew, it amused him. He hadn't wanted to come. To the party at least, he didn't wanted to spoil her good time with his gloomy mood, he only wanted to stay in his hotel bed but good sense told him to get up and go if he didn't wanted to be in Amy March's hit list, and not a good hit list. 

After a while she stopped dancing in order to drink some water he found himself tending to her, giving her his drink and once again, his playful advances being rejected instead she started to vent about how she wished to dance without being looked at like they wanted to devour her, how it was the same all the time, she talked about how that dress was borrowed and made a single comment about how she was used to ‘Make more of her poor things’ In that moment Laurie saw all the struggles Amy hid behind cheery smiles and good manners, that maybe she hadn't been happy this whole time, she was just better at hiding it than himself. She left him again, not so shortly after that. 

He drank a courage shot and joined her in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, she gave a breathy laugh when he joined her, one that made him want to cling to her. With their breaths mingled mixed with laughter with her arms wrapped around his shoulders and his chin in her shoulder with his own arms wrapped around her waist, they welcomed christmas. 

Even though he had planned to stay with Amy a week, he ended staying a month, they were inseparable. Going to parties together, museums, concerts, soccer games, drinking wine and eating ice cream in a blanket in the rooftop of her building. It was a revelation, hanging with her without the patterns and boundaries set by their families back in Concord, he found out she gets touchy when they danced together and more often than not her warm breath against the skin of his cheek and ear made him shiver. 

Whenever they were together, the weight he'd been carrying in his shoulders, set there by Jo, seemed to lessen considerably even though she would make a thing or two that made him want to think of Jo but couldn't, not when Amy's scent was all around him and after a while, his body seemed to have developed an acute newfound awareness of her body whenever she was close to the point he knew exactly where she was when they were in the same room without even looking at her, surrounded by her friends, who seemed to like Laurie a lot, he liked them too, Amy always had a good taste in friends. His eyes would trail her figure more often than he would like to admit, in the same way he used to see his college friends do, in the same way he used to defend her from. 

He wondered how or when he started to 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦 Amy March, he thought about how it would be like to bury his face between her long legs until her fingers pulled his curls, how it would be like to wake up with those big, adoring blue eyes looking at him, what sounds she might make and how she would like to take him. He knew she was no prude by any means, and probably had slept with as many people as he had but that only served to make him more curious. Would she be unashamed and confident, as she always is? Would he be able to make her whisper his name like it was a prayer? Like it was the only thing she believed in. He wanted to know how it would be like to kiss her while her lips and tongue still tasted like him. He felt ashamed of wanting her, sick of his own compulsion towards Amy, assured that he only needed a stumble with her to get rid of that shaky tension. 

So he did. Or he tried to. He bent over to ghost his lips over hers and she pulled back, gave him a tentative, tense smile that said 𝘯𝘰, he immediately trampled down any crush he had on Amy. After that slight mistake, as he had adopted calling it, their friendship was still pretty much unhindered, she allowed him to hug her and stroke her hair and fingers when he was distracted, allowed him to take her out for dinner and for drinks at his hotel bar, and if there was still a long dormant part of him that wanted to kiss her when she danced so unfairly close to. him, he tapped it close and pushed it aside. 

That was until she talked about her decision of dropping out and moving to London to study business to work for her aunt, instead of fine arts. He didn't understood but she said it was because she wasn't ‘good enough’, which meant they were going to be separated. He avoided London like the plague since his grandfather was there, but Fred Vaughn was also there, the thought made him feel uneasy. 

And he knew, he knew Amy loved her family that she wouldn't doubt to throw someone under the bus if it meant it could save them, but in that situation, the one she was throwing under the bus, was herself. He only huffed to himself- to himself and Amy, because Amy was as much as 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘦 as Laurie's ever been. 

That seemed to upset her so she started to list fault after fault like his grandfather had done, but for once, he was too lazy to fight back so he didn't. He laid there listening to her as she sketched, not really paying attention until she said a small ‘I despise you’ It was like she had slid a knife between his ribs, for disappointing Amy was the least thing he wanted to do, when or how that had happened he didn't know. He felt shame and anger started to boil inside him. 

“Wait till you tried it yourself.” Laurie bit out and regretted it as soon as it did, for Amy had been heartbroken more than enough times and more often than not, by his own friends, she only sighed. 

“No, I'd be respected if I couldn't be loved.”

After that she had called him a ‘tourist’ He had laughed until she explained the reason of the sentence. 

‘𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘷𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘴, 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.’ 

That sentence of hers was able to cut through to him, and shame raised in him like a lotus. 

“Do you think she'd despise me as much as you do?”

“Yes, she hates lazy people and so do I,” Amy's answer was swift and determined, yes he felt shame but he was also angry, who did she think she was? To talk to him like that? 

He left that same afternoon, not willing to be under Amy's pitying gaze anymore, upset with the world, upset with Jo, upset with Amy, upset 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. For the first time, after a month, he left her behind to not coming back, he said goodbye with a kiss to her forehead and silence followed his every step for a little longer.

* * *

Laurie'd always been accused of liking pretty things too much, it was only fair he'd fall in love with the prettiest March. Amy's dedication to the people she loved was endless, and he was very glad to be at the top of the list, just as she was in his. 

She'd been so quiet about, so shy about it, he guessed he couldn't blame her for it, but he knew it was there, her love for him, felt it in every soft kiss pressed into his hair, every slight caress in his arm, in every hug, how she curled around him at night, how she listened, how she confided in him. 

Everyone had been happy about their developed relationship though they didn't liked they weren't around as for Amy and Laurie were away in London, him working in his grandfather's company and Amy, as she had said, in business school even though it exhausted her. She lived in a flat with some girl of the same school which was closer to school than his place was, though she spent most of her time with him. So much he wondered why didn't she just moved in with him. They could've just went back to Massachusetts, but really, it wasn't their fault they liked their privacy, at least just for a little longer. 

And while Jo was still his best friend, would always be, Amy was his girlfriend and actual 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘵 friend, he shared some kind of intimacy with Amy that he never had with anyone and that is untouched by everyone but them, it felt good to have Amy and their trials for their own, it felt good to know she understood him, it felt good to understand her. 

He saw her grow into a kind of woman that did things with a calculated manner but a woman who was also so deeply emphatic with people around her, so kind and selfless. It was a wonder to be in love with Amy, to have Amy in love with him. He'd felt so proud whenever he showed Amy off to his friends and now knew that Jo was right as much as it made him feel small for thinking like that, he'd never would have been able to slip an arm around Jo's waist and introduce her as his girlfriend as he did with Amy, Jo would have never been able to blend in the company's parties like Amy did. 

For Laurie it was all new, exciting and all his, he didn't had to share her with anyone else and to his complete amazement he loved it, he always admired Amy for being too observant though he never knew it could serve him well, when she found that spot on his neck, that spot that made him throw his head back and pant loudly, she planted herself to tease him endlessly, a single nip, a trail of her tongue or pressing fluttery kisses that never failed to set him ablaze.

Their first time had been a nervous fumbling mess with flushed cheeks and long limbs tangled together, it was the first time he'd had sex with someone he actually cared about and the pressure of not disappointing or hurting Amy was too much to bear, his need of protection towards her more present than ever. 

She was, in bed, as she's always been, energetic, sometimes willing to take him multiple times one single night, he adored the flush her chest would get, her disheveled hair and the little red lines her nails would leave in his back. Most times it was fast and frantic, too desperate for each other(he was desperate for the way her throat quivered when she gasped and whimpered. When she squirmed and shuddered beneath him with her palms pressed to his broad shoulders, she was desperate to feel the fulness of him inside of her and feel his breath on her neck and feel her chest pressing into his) to actually function, rough and fast. But there were other times when they liked to take their time, when they just sat in his bed and kissed slowly, with no rush to detach themselves from their clothing, no rush to reach a release. 

In those times, when they took their time it was a luxury they didn't allowed themselves often, he made her sit on top of him and breathe into each other mouths while they succumbed to relaxation and comfort with the other, while they massaged the other's bodies with touch so light it was almost ticklish that left him with the sweet heavy feeling of early stages of arousal, their movements both gentle and measured accompanied with whispered words of passion and their love for each other. 

She attempted to slow down, to savor things, he taught her that it was okay to be quick and get instant gratification sometimes. 

It was a balancing act. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯, there were some times she liked to be a tease, she'd flirt with him in public, where she knew there was nothing he could do, she'd brush her fingers against his wrist and smile wickedly at him and gave him lingering kisses, she'd go to his house and ate dinner with him, kissed him for about ten minutes then declared she was tired and went right to sleep, and even though she never said it explicitly he knew she liked to make him wait, he liked it too. Laurie didn't mind waiting because sex was always good with her, he loved how her legs trembled when they wrapped around his hips, the flex of her back when she straddled him facing his feet, her flushed cheeks and her lazy smiles. Everything was so easy with Amy, everything rolled off smoothly because they were on the same page, they both wanted the same things. He could see himself spending all his life next to her and he knew she did too, without even asking it. 

They weren't shy with each other, by any means, they were too comfortable with the other and with their own skin for that but Amy had slipped on his boxers and t-shirt to get his turkish delight from the kitchen, her back was against the headboard reading one of the books that were on his bedside table and he felt like he was floating as he laid on his back. 

It was a chilly sunday afternoon, it had rained the day before and his room smelled of petrichor from the open windows and heavy musk and sweat, it almost felt too perfect he didn't wanted the day to be over. Amy had slept over almost all week, it was a week long streak he was hoping she wouldn't break after this. 

His forefinger was stroking the scar on her ankle as he stared at the ceiling listening to her soft breathing, like the most calming sound, like his favorite song. He closed his eyes and sighed, contented, he heard the book being closed with a small thump and in the next moment Amy was laying beside him, her head resting in his chest and her leg sneaking between his. 

“Hey,” Laurie whispered quietly. 

“Hi,” Amy murmured and pressed a chaste kiss to his bare chest, he giggled, that sounded more like Amy than himself and wounded his arms around her, being with her was always such a relief, like she was soothing his soul. Never had he known such peace. He never wanted to leave it, the comfort of her arms and her soft lips, her fingers dancing on his skin, counting up the freckles, her soft nuzzles in his neck. Her lips pressed against his cheek and he smiled reminiscing the first time he ever said I love you in a cheap, old diner even though he had planned to do it somewhere else more romantic. 

𝘈𝘮𝘺'𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘱, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵. 

‘𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶,’ 𝘏𝘦'𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦. 

‘𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸.’ 

“What are you thinking about?” Laurie asked eventually, when her cheek settled on his shoulder and her front was completely pressed to his side. 

“About that day, when we talked about our castles in the air,” Amy answered tracing patterns in his ribs, he looked from the ceiling and down at her, so long ago it seemed yet he could vividly picture Amy's young face, full of hope, eyes full of dreams. 

Only to come crashing down at the harsh light of adulthood. 

“You wanted to be an artist, and live in Paris,” He reminded her and she nodded, though her eyes were fixated in the wall “And sell millions of copies of your art,” She chuckled and rubbed her cheek in his chest, his hand traveled from her hip to her hair and stroked, his finger pads rubbing her scalp. 

“What a silly dream mine was,” Amy mused. 

“No, well, it was as silly as mine,” Laurie said and she laughed biting her lower lip. He saw how her fingers fidgeted with his family signet ring, that rested in her ring finger, it felt like a promise. Grandfather had been pleasantly surprised when he saw it on her finger. 

“Well, even if we didn't achieved our castles in the air, we're- I am pretty happy,” Amy said and lifted herself up resting her forearm on his chest, his thumb smoothed over the wrinkle in her forehead. 

“I am too,” He reassured her, because he was, he really was, he had a girlfriend who so clearly loved him and who he loved, he finally had a future to look forward to. 

“And I am pretty proud of you, too, even if I don't say it often,” Amy said tipping her head to a side, her words made a little 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 blossom in his chest, he smiled widely. 

“You are?” She nodded eagerly and he laughed, a little breathless “Well I'm pretty proud of you too, my love,” Laurie said and her cheeks reddened at the name, his lips pressed over her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids and then finally her lips, her lips moved lazily over his before her tongue sneaked inside his mouth and he lost himself to the feel of her. 

“You're so good to me Laurie, don't ever change,” Amy murmured once she pulled back, there was a ruddy blush staining her cheeks, her pupils dilated, he passed a thumb over her lip. 

“But change, sometimes, is a force of good. I think we all should evolve a little, over the time,” Laurie mused and she laughed shaking her head, he grinned back. 

“I know, I know.” 

He looked down at the woman he loves and thinks about how his life had been both painful but beautiful, and how the growth he’d shown had made him a much better, happier person. He knew he could lay it all on finding Amy, Amy, his smart, beautiful, talented, brillant girl, but he thinks just maybe she’d only been the catalyst. He’d done a lot of good himself. 

It didn't took him long to have her flushed and naked against him again, gasping and whimpering with their fingers linked together and her free hand grasping his curls, her eyes locked on his before she closed them, pressing her forehead against his, the feeling overwhelming the both of them. 

He took a mental snapshot of her just like this, beautiful and wonderful, soft and alive, gold and sweet, and files it away in his memory bank of all the good things that’s ever happened in his life.

And he’s had so many. He knows that now. He’s had so many wonderful moments and he’s so happy he’s still around to have more.

* * *

By the age of 30, Laurie was convinced Amy was the strongest woman he'd ever known. 

They were so grown now, all of them, he vaguely remembered where there was a time when he wanted other things, were he wanted to be free and travel the world and never settle down. Amy made him change his mind without even trying, Amy who was now his wife, Amy who was now the mother of his daughter, Amy who now shared the same ceiling with him. 

He managed to work in his grandfather's company and Amy worked in her aunt's and together they managed Parnassus, an abandoned building that they bought and fixed to keep kids from the neighbor out of the streets, helping them getting them food and getting them into school as well, it felt good being useful and of help.

“Have you seen my wife?” Laurie asked entering the March household after work, Jo was there using her laptop and Marmee was in the kitchen. 

“In the backyard,” Marmee answered softly with an all knowing smile, that's where Amy had gotten it, Laurie thought. 

“Teddy has such separation anxiety when it comes to Amy, Marmee, it's a wonder she's not sick of him yet!” Jo said loud enough for him to hear and Marmee laughed heartily, he rolled his eyes but didn't denied it. 

“You're no fun Jo!” He screamed back over his shoulder. 

“Papa!” 3 year old Bess exclaimed when he stepped in the backyard and flung herself into his arms, he groaned but picked up his girl and hugged her back. 

“Hey doll, how are you?” Laurie asked taking a braid in his hand and she giggled before answering, he left her go and she ran back to her cousins. He smiled when Amy looked back at him with an equally soft smile, Meg who was beside her smiled at the picture they made, he walked over to his wife and plopped down beside them in the blanket and kissed Amy's cheek. 

Bringing Bess had been such a heavy chapter in their book, one that had threatened to break them with no repair but much to his luck it hadn't been like that at all, and they were as strong as they could ever be. He used to have terrible dreams about Amy dying in his arms trying to bring his child to this world, he'd woke up thrashing in Amy's arms until her arms wrapped around him and her lips nuzzled his skin. 

They had tried, a lot, Amy had stopped taking her birth control and used to have him whenever and wherever she wanted in their house close to Meg's and John's. In the shower, against the kitchen island, in their bed. Used to lift his hands up his head and rode him with abandon, letting him linger when he finished. It had taken almost a year to find out that Amy was pregnant, only for it to come crashing down in hemorrhages and cramping at night. 

The first time it happened almost everyone had found out about it since he was nervous wreck in the hospital not knowing what to do. He hated hospitals, 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. He remembered being a child standing in the waiting room with his ears ringing when the doctor said his parents hadn't make it from their car accident and dreaded hearing the same thing from his wife. 

The second one it had barely developed, it was almost a bean and Amy was 𝘴𝘰 depressed, so distant from him he was scared all the time, he would reach for her hand and she would retract it leaving such a pit in his stomach, but Amy was his wife and he couldn't leave her alone in this trying time, so they kept trying and trying. Amy was so convinced in giving him a family his heart soared with love for her, he loved her so very much, that determined stubborn wife of his. 

With their fourth pregnancy, Amy was ordered bed rest and vitamins, 9 months they had spent cooped up inside their house with him cooking meals for Amy and making sure she drank all the pills she needed and worked from home since his grandfather had allowed it, understanding the why even though he only knew of one of their miscarriages. And even though they both had went through it, it was her body whose had suffered the most, he still found her beautiful nevertheless, her thighs were fuller, her hips wider therefore making her waist look smaller, her face was rounder and her breasts fuller, of course she had stretch marks too, which she loathed but he had traced them countless of times with his fingers finding them more beautiful than the last time. 

Then Bess birth had had so many complications, her hand had gripped his so hard it had left bruises for days. It had been all worth it, Amy had said with little Bess bundled up in her arms, and declared she was naming her after her long gone sister, he almost cried when he was handled his girl. Much to Amy's delight, Bess had Amy's clear, pale skin but she also had his nose and lips which made her love her all the more, his wife who was always so quick to see and feel beauty, just like him. 

She was the most smart person he'd met, the most brave and resilient soul out there, she deserved the whole word and she had chosen him to love and make her life with, he thanked all of his lucky stars every night when he slept next to Amy.

**Author's Note:**

> this took so long to write, I wanted to write a multi-chapter but those are a pain in the ass. anyways let me know what you think!


End file.
